Titre: Mother Knows Best
Lien de l'originale: http://yespleasehawkeye.tumblr.com/post/127421515761/olicity-mother-knows-best
Genre: Humor, Romance, Family
Résumé: Donna surprises Felicity again and oliver answers the door in nothing but a towel
Spoilers Set after season 3
Felicity doesn’t exactly want to leave the bathroom, but she can hear Oliver talking to someone can getting quite flustered over it, and there is definitely another voice that’s horrifyingly familiar, so she leaves behind the delicious steam and all hopes of getting her fourth orgasm of the morning against the shower wall, and goes to save her vigilante from whichever neighbour has cornered him.
“Oliver, who is—MOM??!?!?”
“My baby!” Donna squeals, launching herself across the living room with such little attention paid to the fact that Felicity was only wearing a towel around her. “Are you excited to see me? I wanted to surprise you!”
“Surprised is a word,” she says in disbelief, meeting Oliver’s I-had-nothing-to-do-with-this eyes over her mother’s shoulder. “Wh-what are you doing here?”
“I just told you, silly,” Donna says, standing back. “I had a weekend off, I thought I’d come spend it with my favourite daughter in the whole world.”
Felicity gives her a blank expression. “I’m your only child. You have one daughter.”
“Exactly, so you’re my favourite,” she beams back, putting her arm around Felicity’s shoulders. “And look who was so generous to let me in and goodness me, doesn’t he look wonderful in just a towel? Don’t worry, I apologised for interrupting his shower, I’m sure he has to get to work, it is a Friday, I hope you can take the day off though, because we need some serious mother-daughter catch up and…honey, why are you wearing just a towel?”
“I was showering,” Felicity says bluntly when her mother finally finishes babbling.
“But Oliver was showering,” she says.
One second passes.
“Felicity Meghan Smoak!”
Oliver cringes in advance and whispers ‘sorry’ to Felicity across the room. He goes to rush past her but she grabs his wrist with an almost inhuman strength and glares at him. “If you leave me to deal with this alone you’ll be digitally ruined within the hour,” she threatens in a low whisper.
Donna, however, is still gaping at the pair, then her face plasters with the widest grin. “My baby girl’s getting shower sex!”
Felicity flushes bright red. “Mom, please!”
Her face quickly turns shocked, and she points a finger at her daughter with a firm expression. “You are being careful, right? Shower sex is the same as regular sex.”
“Felicity Smoak, I raised you to be sensible about your sex life.”
“Can we please not talk about this right now?”
At Felicity’s denial, she turns her interrogation to Oliver. “Do we need to have a talk?” she asks in an oddly terrifying tone.
“….no,” he said quietly.
“…then you are being careful?” she asks him.
“….no,” he confessed like a misbehaving child.
Before they know it, Donna has them both sat on the couch, dripping from their towels as she looks down at them both. To say it’s uncomfortable is an understatement. “Young lady, I am disappointed at you,” she scolded. “Did we not have enough talks about sex when you were younger?”
“Too many, actually,” Felicity grumbled in embarrassment, unable to meet Oliver’s eyes.
“Now is not time to sass your mother,” she warned. “Condoms are important.”
“Are you at least on the pill?” she asks her daughter.
“Are you on any contraception?”
“Do you know many types of disease you’re at risk of catching?”
Oliver looks up with a confused scowl. “I’m not…diseased.”
Donna looks at him nonchalantly. “No offence, sweetie.”
“…yes, offence,” he says quietly, but keeps his voice low before she can rant again.
“Mom, we’re in a committed relationship and are both entirely disease free,” Felicity assures her. “There’s nothing at all about that part of my life that you need to worry about.”
“Of course there is!” Donna cries, flailing her arms in the air and Oliver can see where Felicity gets it now, he really can. “What about pregnancy? Have you thought about that?”
“Yes,” Felicity says bluntly.
“Sure, you’ve thought about it, but do you know what it means? Because let me tell you, that’s goodbye career, goodbye slim body, goodbye coffee. Do you even know how to run without coffee, because you drink an awful lot of it?”
“Mom,” Felicity shouts to cut her off, drawing Donna’s attention back to her as she looked at Oliver with a deep breath. “We ….have thought about pregnancy,” she says slowly.
“And you’re completely prepared for an accident like that?” Donna asks.
“It’s not going to be an accident,” Oliver picks up, placing his hand over Felicity’s. “It’s…intentional.”
Donna goes silent for a long time.
A frighteningly long time.
Felicity has never known her mother to be so quiet.
Then she bursts into tears.
“Mom?” Felicity asks.
“My baby’s going to have a baby!” she wails in what Felicity thinks might be delight, leaning over and engulfing them both into a crushing hug.
“Well not…not yet,” Felicity says in a strangled voice from her tight hold.
“So you’re not…?” Donna asks, leaning back.
Felicity flushes so red she can hardly answer, so Oliver does it for her. “We actually took the weekend off to get a head start on…trying,” he explains as delicately as possible, although he isn’t sure that Donna would be so disturbed to hear ‘we cancelled everything this weekend to have a lot of unprotected sex everywhere in our apartment’.
“Oh!” she gasps, straightening quickly. “Well, you better get back in there!” she announced with encouragement. “I will go find a hotel for the weekend, I don’t want to be disturbing any baby making,” she is almost giddy at the idea.
“Mom, you don’t have to-”
“Oh, no, don’t let me interrupt,” she says, waving her hand at them as she rushes to the door. “I want beautiful grandbabies, so go make a lot of them okay,” and she turns to Oliver at the final moment, giving him a pointed expression. “You know, Oliver, it’s a proven fact that women conceive better if they have an orgasm,” she tells him.
“MOM!” Felicity wails in embarrassment.
Oliver just laughs. “Not a problem, Donna,” he insists, before wincing when Felicity smacks his shoulder.
Alright, you sure about this?
Never been more sure of anything in my life.