Les meilleures répliques

Une petite compile que j'ai trouvée sur Kaamelott:


Le Roi Arthur: [S'adressant au Seigneur Perceval] Non, moi j’crois qu’il faut qu’vous arrêtiez d’essayer d’dire des trucs. Ça vous fatigue, déjà, et pour les autres, vous vous rendez pas compte de c’que c’est. Moi quand vous faites ça, ça me fout une angoisse… j’pourrais vous tuer, j’crois. De chagrin, hein! J’vous jure c’est pas bien. Il faut plus que vous parliez avec des gens.

La Reine Genièvre: [S'adressant au Roi Arthur] J’y connais rien, hein, mais… À votre avis, le fait que vous me touchiez pratiquement jamais, ça a une influence sur la fécondité?

Léodagan: Qu’est-ce que vous voulez, mon p’tit Bohort: entre son épée qui fait de la lumière, son Merlin qui fait pleuvoir des grenouilles et sa Dame du Lac qui se prend pour une truite, il lui manque plus qu’un numéro de trapèze, au roi des Bretons. »

Merlin: Hé toi là bas avec ton casque à cornes, présente-moi ta femme comme ça tu sauras pourquoi t’as des cornes!

Elias de Kelliwic’h: Ecoutez, si j’avais un sort pour contrecarrer les volontés divines, je serais pas en train de faire des potions de virilité pour tous les mous de la tige du pays breton.

Seigneur Karadoc: À Vannes aussi, on a nos traditions. Bon, des Graals pas vraiment, mais je connais un vieux qui se balade toujours avec un saladier.

Kadoc: Pour savoir s’il va y avoir du vent, il faut mettre son doigt dans le cul du coq.

Seigneur Perceval: [S'adressant à Dame Mévanwi] « Elle a compris la vilaine frisée? On a dans l’projet de fonder un clan autonome pour partir à l’aventure et ramener du pognon pour entretenir vos grosses miches! Alors le cageot il dit merci et il ferme sa boîte à caca! »

Seigneur Bohort: J’irai me coucher quand vous m’aurez juré qu’il n’y a pas dans cette forêt d’animal plus dangereux que le lapin adulte!

Seigneur Dagonet: [Parlant du Seigneur Galessin] Eh… Il a pas inventé le plat de la main morte celui-là.

Seigneur Hervé de Rinel : Y’a plusieurs personnes qui sont passées par votre siège là, et beeen, le tout premier, je crois qu’il s’appelait …Carbure, ça fait vachement longtemps qu’on l’a pas vu. Moi je serais vous je lancerais des recherches.

Seigneur Yvain «Chevalier au lion»: Ouais, alors là où je vois que j’suis vraiment à cran, c’est que quand vous avez dit malédiction, j’ai fait une série de tout petits pets comme ça: pft pft pft pft pft pft.

Le Roi Loth: [S'adressant au Seigneur Galessin] Mais parce que votre existence est merdique mon pauvre ami, vous avez l’œil qui brille à chaque fois qu’un oiseau pète, c’est triste à voir. Ça fait des années que vous menez un train de vie de noix de St-Jacques, alors évidemment, un message qui annonce la visite d’un imbécile porteur de bonnes nouvelles, c’est déjà un petit festival pour vous! J’suis sûr que vous vous êtes peigné pour l’occasion!

Le roi Burgonde : Interprèèète? Interprèèète, couhillère?

Le Duc d’Aquitaine : [S'adressant à la Duchesse D'Aquitaine] Si c’est ma tête qui vous revient pas, vous pouvez toujours aller roupiller dans le couloir. [...] Et à partir de maintenant, si j’entends un mot plus haut que l’autre je vous… renvoie dans votre bled d’at… natal à coups de pied dans… dans l’fion. Comme ça vous pourrez aller ratisser la bouse et torcher l’cul des poules, ça vous fera prendre l’air.

Le Maître d’Armes: Sire! Mon père est peut-être unijambiste, mais moi, ma femme n’a pas de moustache! [...] Alors ça vient? p’tite bite!

Caius Camillus : [S'adressant aux Seigneurs Léodagan, Yvain et à Arthur] Non, mais là vous auriez pu prévenir qu’il y avait un couvert de plus. Bon ça va que j’ai pas fait à manger, mais bon, c’est chaud.

La Dame du Lac : [S'adressant au Roi Arthur] Je sais ni boire, ni manger, ni m’habiller, ni me laver, ni rien! Vous sentez que je vais être un fardeau pour vous, ou pas?

Grüdü : Moi, un jour j’ai rêvé qu’y avait un type qui venait me voir. Il me dit: « Vous avez jamais connu vos parents? » J’lui réponds « non ». Et là, il me dit: « Eh ben vous inquiétez pas, ils sont fromagers. »

Guethenoc : [S'adressant à Roparzh] Vous avez tué ma poule?! Non mais est-ce que vous êtes pas un peu marteau, vous? Parce que moi ça y est, j’ai les nerfs qui commencent à vriller! Je vous montre: moi je bondis comme ça, et je vous arrive dessus en piqué diagonal. Et là c’est l’hymne à la cruauté, hein, un autel dressé au culte de la barbarie!

Roparzh : [S'adressant à Guethenoc] Bon ben j’vous préviens, j’vous écoute 30 sec pas une de plus. Si y’a un mot plus haut que l’autre, j’vous met toute la tartine dans la gueule et je rentre chez moi, j’ai pas que ça à glander.

Séli : Des bons à rien, j’en ai vu, mais le coup de la Table Ronde, alors là… C’est le rendez-vous des mains dans les poches.

Venec Mes p’tits pères, les affaires reprennent. Parce que la couronne, là, j’aime autant vous dire qu’elle date pas d’hier. Là, y a de la relique ou je m’appelle pas Venec. [...] Qu’est-ce vous en dites ? Bon, hein, imaginez que j’ai mon froc, ça me donne du style ou pas?

Le Tavernier: La seule solution pour que ce soit encore plus sale, ça serait de demander aux clients de chier directement par terre! J’vois qu’ça.

Le Roi Loth: Moi, quand ma garce de femme est là, ça déménage pas mal aussi… Hier, elle m’a fendu le tibia avec une amphore, la salope!

Hero Corp:

John: Vous savez que je peux vous péter la gueule, même si j’en ai pas l’air comme ça.

John: Vous enterrez pas les morts ? Vous faites quoi ? Vous les bouffez ?

Klaus : Si t'as besoin d'aide...
John : Je t'appelle... ?
Klaus : Non j'voulais dire que si t'as besoin d'aide ça va être chaud pour ta gueule parce que tout le monde dort à cette heure-ci et que ma baraque est à l'autre bout du village.

Mary : De "Acid Man" classe 80, Burt devient "Captain Shampooing" classe 136.

Mary : C'est pas tout.
John : De quoi ? (sarcastique) John c'est pas mon vrai prénom, mes parents étaient des super-héros, l'un des deux était méchant donc c'est pour ça que je suis au courant de rien et qu'on m'a confié à toi ?
Mary : Ah bah ça fait déjà ça de moins à expliquer.

Stan: Je veux qu’on définisse les règles de ma condition de prisonnier.

Stan: Même si vous m’avez brûlé le coude au 3ème degré avec une branche de sapin, je suis sûr qu’au fond… Vous êtes un chic type.

Mique : Qui est là? Je vous entend penser, qui est là? (silence) Vous venez de dire que je devais passer sous un pont!?
Laurence : Euh non.
Mique : Ah bon?
Laurence : Non, j'ai dis que vous aviez l'air d'un con.

The Lord : On ne peut pas faire régner la terreur et chlinguer des pieds, c'est incompatible ! Il y a un minimum de standing !

John : You....to....to go.... to go to... hein?! Good bye!

Stan: Wolverine, comme il se la pète grave, j’ai été en cours avec lui et tout le monde le sait qu’il s’appelle Cédric.

Stan: Je peux convaincre quelqu’un de faire ce que je veux… à condition qu’il soit d’accord.

John : Je voulais te dire merci pour tout, pour ce que tu as fais depuis le début, tu m'as soutenu, tout ça....
Klaus : Tu veux me pécho c'est ça?

John : Vous me demandez de sauver le monde, ça fait deux fois dans l'année, je trouve ça déjà un peu beaucoup, et de trahir ma copine, j'me trouve assez diplomate là.
Mac Kormack : Oui c'est sûr que comme ça, ça donne pas très envie.

John : Mais qu'est-ce que vous foutez là ?
Doug : T'es content de nous voir ?
John : Mais qu'est-ce que vous foutez là ?
Doug : Mais t'es content ou pas ?
John : J'comprends plus rien moi.
Klaus : Ouais t'es pas content de nous voir quoi.

Doug : Qu'est-ce qu'ils te veulent ?
John : En gros ils veulent que je sauve le monde. Comme d'hab quoi.
Klaus : Ils s'font pas chier les mecs quand même.
Doug : Nan mais c'est classe ! Moi on m'a jamais demandé de sauver le monde.
Klaus : C'est parce que t'es trop petit. En dessous d'1m80 t'es niqué.

Klaus : Tu veux un coup de main ?
John : Oh ouais.
Klaus : Oh merde.
John : Bah proposes pas si ça t'fait chier sinon !

(Klaus, Doug et John sanglotent)
Jennifer : Eh les filles, quand vous aurez fini de vous tripoter y'en a bien une qui m'amènera un truc à bouffer ?

Britney : Qu'est-ce que tu pourrais faire tellement tu m'aimes ?
John : Pêcher tous les poissons d'une mer révoltée.

Eshita : Il parait qu'ils (les civils) habitent dans des maisons faites en crottes de bouquetin !
John : Oui et l'été ils mangent les murs, ça leur fait des terrasses.

Doug : On est mort ! Je suis sûr qu'on est mort !
Stan : Mais non, quand on est mort on voit de la lumière.
Klaus : Parce que t'as déjà été mort toi ?
Stève : C'est pas parce qu'on est dans le noir que je peux pas te latter ton cul !

Klaus : A ben non mais partez pas ! C'est pas parce que vous êtes des faux vampires qu'on va pas vous dérouiller vos gueules.

H:


Strauss: Clara, savez-vous comment font les fabricants de pâtes pour enfourner la viande dans les raviolis? [...] Je ne vois qu'une solution, liposucion inversée!

Aymé: J'ai besoin de toi.
Sabri: Je vois t'as besoin d'un cerveau.
Aymé: Non viens seul.

(Sabri se voit contraint de travailler avec un stagiaire qui pue de la gueule, il n'arrive pas à lui dire. L'odeur étant insupportable, il se met un sapin odorant autour du cou)
Stagiaire: Monsieur Sabri, monsieur Sabri, c'est drôlement beau ça, on dirait les trucs qu'on accroche dans les voitures.
Sabri: Euh nan nan nan c'est religieux ça. C'est l'arbre qui te rappelle que tu n'es qu'un sapin dans la fôret des hommes. Un mentos ?

Jamel: Dis moi pas que c'est pas vrai !

Aymé(à Clara): Ecoute moi bien miss monde '82.

Aymé(qui part en Angleterre): J'ai choisi une formule "fish and Chips". Tu dois remplir une fiche, on te donne une chips.

Béa: Je suis enceinte !!
Clara: D'un enfant ??

Jamel: Regarde Béa c'est ça une femme, c'est du svelte, c'est un yaourt une femme.
Sabri: N'importe quoi Jamel, une femme c'est ça: souplesse, tendresse, étanchéité.

Sabri: (a propos de la cigarette) J'ai pas envie de mourir à 90 ans d'un cancer du poumon. Je veux vivre moi!

Sabri: Et Jamel, j'peux te poser une question, comment tu me trouves physiquement ?
Jamel: Arabe !

Spartacus:


Batiatus: [referring to Ilithyia] The snake arrives, walking as if human

Doctore: Spartacus!
Spartacus: [as he catches Doctor's whip with his wrist] That is not my name

Gannicus: I knew you'd lead these men to their deaths eventually. Is this the day you would do it?
Spartacus: They are but loyal. A quality you seem unfamiliar with.

Spartacus: Sura and I often spoke of children. A family we were going to have now forever denied me. As I now deny Glaber of his!
Ilithyia: The child is yours!
Spartacus: You lie.
Ilithyia: Would then my tongue make false noise? It yet speaks bitter truth. Monthly blood ceased after you came to me in Batiatus' villa. Lucretia had promised Crixus - a cruel jest. Tis a memory that lingers, is it not? Of that night. Of you inside me.
Spartacus: Yes. As does memory of my hands around your throat.

Licinia: What of you, Spartacus? Are you a blessing to us?
Spartacus: To some. [looks to Ilithyia] To others, a curse.

Ilithyia: The duality of his kind: admired as a gladiator; yet despised as a slave.

Batiatus: You were *nothing* before me! I gave you the means to accept your fate!
Spartacus: And now you are destroyed by it.

Spartacus: There are many men in this place that I would see dead. You are not among them.
Varro: One day you may not have a choice.
Spartacus: There is always a choice.

Greek:

Cappie: It's a big game, Spitter. It's bigger than all of us. It's a classic battle between good and Evan.

Cappie: If he's dead do we win automatically?

Cappie: Can you see those huge guys out there with the sticks?
Rusty : Yeah.
Cappie: Good, cause I can't, which might be a sign of a concussion.

Cappie: He's right! You may not be feeling well. Some of you are even still drunk! But I see before me a team of Kappa Tau's, playing in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men, and free men you are. Will you fight? Ay, fight and you might die. Run and you might live, at least for a while.
Beaver: It hurts real bad, Cap.
Cappie: Drunk people don't feel pain! And neither do Scotsmen. We may be puking, but the Omega Kai's are not used to running on puke like we are! And Rusty here... Look at him, just a nice kid from Cleveland...
Rusty : Chicago...
Cappie: And I know that when he's dying in his bed many years from now, he be willing to trade all his days from this day, for one chance...
Rusty : I'm actually fine...
Cappie: Just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies, that they may take our lives, but they will never be able to take our freedom! Yeah!!

Cappie: It's simple. The secret to flirting, dating, and hooking up is all biology.
Rusty : Don't you mean anatomy?
Cappie: Spitter, can't you see I'm in lecture mode? Where was I? AH! Biology. Okay, there's this guy named Chuck Darwin, now he proved that mankind has evolved over billions and trillions of years. Darwin showed that every aspect of human behavior has an evolutionary purpose. Right? Chatting up girls is in our genetic code, we're programmed to be able to do it. Why? So we can boink and make babies. It's survival of the flirtiest.
Rusty : So you're saying I'm becoming extinct?
Cappie: No, no. I'm saying evolution has made us good at this. You need to get outta your head and just trust your instincts. The ability to attract a female is hardwired into your DNA.
Rusty : That actually makes scientific sense.
Cappie: Of course it does, I was a Bio major once! Now let's go make Chuckie D proud.

Casey : [talking about Rusty] He asked me for help!
Cappie: And he looks like he's about to overdose on khaki.

Cappie: In your virgin mind women are like these mythical creatures. Like unicorns. With breasts! But let me tell you something, that's a myth. Women are just normal people with breasts.

Rusty : Is it necessary to call him 'pledge'?
Cappie: No, I just can't remember his name.

Casey : Last night was a one time thing.
Cappie: Well, it wasn't just one time last night.

Rusty : [talking about Casey] How do you know her?
Cappie: Uh, in the biblical sense.
Rusty : Oh, from Church.
Cappie: Yea, you could say I've been in her church.

Cappie:  This is ridiculous. Can we be mature and just say what we're all thinking? [beat] How the hell could they cancel Gilmore Girls?!

Cappie: Tonight, you all become men, but not in the way you might be thinking, we do not have hookers which isn't to say we didn't

Rusty :  I think I'm ready to use the L word with Jen.
Cappie: That's a pretty bold move, what makes you think she's a lesbian and is that a dealbreaker for you?!

Cappie: So you just have to avoid doing something embarrassing for 48 hours.
Rusty : I can do that!
Cappie: Your fly's open.

Evan:  The Dean is so close to shutting us down and you're mouthing!
Cappie: Would you quit your bellyaching Evelyn? Your parties are so lame anyway, what do you have to lose?

Cappie: Ok, so there's this all Greek ball this weekend... but we're not going.
Rusty : Yeah! No. Why aren't we going?
Cappie: Listen to the name, Spitter. It's a ball, like a testicle. I don't wanna go to a testicle.

Cappie: You know Fun, Ev's? F...U...
Evan: ...N?
Cappie: Nope...That's It.

Cappie: Downstairs will be a once-in-a-lifetime down-and-dirty secret prohibition party - in our oh-so-humble grotto.
Beaver: A what party?
Cappie : ...a prohibition party, uh, a speakeasy. [Beaver looks confused] All right, look. Here's how it's gonna work. Upstairs is gonna be the authority-pleasing, yawn-inducing Great Gatsby party, but downstairs will be a delightful, delicious den of iniquity.
[Beaver looks more confused]
Rusty :  You've heard of the 18th Amendment? You know alcohol was illegal in the 20s?
Beaver: No? [Everyone laughs] Beaver: Is that why they call it the Great Depression?

Cappie: It's bros and Cheesoritos before hos.

Cappie: If you want to avoid disappointment, try lowering your expectations.

Rebecca : My answer is yes!
Cappie: Was the question, wanna get naked?[/b]

Beaver: You're my favorite lady I've never had sex with, Casey.

Beaver: I can't help it if "I'm going to be late" sounds like "I'm going to masturbate".

Beaver: I am the star of my own life. I deserve to be center stage.

Beaver: Maybe I've been there all along but you never noticed.

Rusty : Beaver, the bathroom is that way!
Beaver: [Rusty points down the hall, away from Cappie's room] Man, why do they keep moving it?!

Beaver: Now I know I have a heart, 'cause it's broken.

Beaver: [crickets are in the KT house] I hate crickets! Ever since Pinocchio. They're too bossy.

Frannie: [after finding out she can't go pre-med] But what about my dream of becoming a gorgeous but troubled intern in a hospital full of other gorgeous interns, discussing my love life while performing complex surgery, and hating my mother?

Heath: [referring to the crank generator] So do you know how to work this thingy? I was kinda wondering when the cell service will be back. [Rusty cranks on it] Cool! It's like magic!
Rusty : Actually it's a simple crank generator that turns friction into electricity.
Heath: Or magic!

Rusty : I've never been on a date before.
Calvin, Dale: You haven't?
Rusty : What? Is that so weird? [pause, then turns to Dale] Wait, Dale. You've been on a *date*?
Dale: Hey, I'm a virgin. Not a leper.

Rusty : I need a favor.
Casey : It's happy hour; you'd better need a kidney.

Rusty : So with almost everyone cheating is it really cheating if you cheat?

Jen K: [about Dale] I know he has some issues...
Rusty : Some issues? He cancelled our cable after accidentally watching three minutes of a Dawson's Creek rerun.

Casey : You don't want me to get fat do you?
Rebecca: Get?

Casey : This is my room. And speaking of things that are mine, I found out you kind of had sex with Evan Chambers.
Rebecca : I did. Rush night. And it was amazing!
Casey : Ok, please stop talking. Here's the thing, Evan Chambers is my boyfriend.
Rebecca : Oh my God! How awkward for you.

Ashleigh: Pledge, let's go shopping.
Calvin: Uh, I have a name, you know.
Ashleigh: I'm sure you do.

Dale: Gay. Homosexual. You know, I can work with that.
Calvin : You can?
Dale: Oh yeah, an intensive prayer and vitamin regimen can cure that.

Calvin: What is she doing with him? She must like guys with personality.
Dale: I don't know. He doesn't look that hideous to me.
Calvin: Oh! So you find him attractive?
Dale: Well, his got good bone structure.
Calvin: Wait! It all makes sense!
Dale: What?
Calvin: Oh, Dale. Have you ever thought that the reason you're trying to turn me straight is because, deep down inside, you might be gay?
Dale: That's ridiculous...
Calvin: Just look at the evidence: you don't have sex with women, you like to knit, you appreciate the male form... and I've seen you run, it's a little bit squishy.
Dale: I don't like what you're implying!

Casey : [talking about giving drinks to the Kappa Tau's] How are we doing in here?
Ashleigh: They're on their sixth round of cement mixers.
Casey : Just to be clear, we're trying to slow them down, not kill them.
Ashleigh: Fine.

Casey : Like Derek, my high school boyfriend. His mom said I was the daughter she never had, and she had a daughter. It was so awkward.

Dale: [after stealing the module] Rusty, I can't go to jail! I have serious food allergies!

Dale: No! You've ruined my future and my kids future and my grandkids future, you've disrupted the space time Continuum. You, you gotta fix it, you gotta build a time machine right now!

Revenge:

Emily Thorne: When I was a little my understanding of revenge was as simple as the Sunday school proverbs it hid behind. Neat little morality slogans, like 'Do unto others' and 'Two wrongs don't make a right.' But two wrongs can never make a right because two wrongs can never equal each other. For the truly wronged real satisfaction can only be found in one of two places absolute forgiveness or mortal vindication. This is not a story about forgiveness.

Emily Thorne: But that was a promise I couldn’t keep. When deception cuts this deep, someone has to pay. My father’s chance to bring justice to the truly guilty was stolen from him. His only option was to forgive. I have others. They say vengeance is a dish best served cold, but, sometimes, it’s as warm as a bowl of soup. My father died an innocent man, betrayed by the woman he loved. When everything you love has been stolen from you… …sometimes all you have left is revenge. Like I said, this is not a story about forgiveness.

Emily Thorne : Guilt is a powerful affliction. You can try to turn your back on it, but that’s when it sneaks up behind you and eats you alive. Some people struggle to understand their own guilt, unwilling or unable to justify the part they play in it. Others run away from their guilt, shedding their conscience until there’s no conscience left at all. But I run toward my guilt. I feed off of it. I need it. My father died never knowing if I would ever come to believe his innocence. For me, guilt is one of the few lanterns that still light my way.

Emily Thorne : As Hamlet said to Ophelia, “God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.” The battle between these two halves of identity… …who we are and who we pretend to be… is unwinnable.

Emily Thorne: They say grief occurs in five stages. First, there’s denial… …followed by anger. Then comes bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But grief is a merciless master. Just when you think you’re free, you realize you never stood a chance.

Lydia Davis: You must come from a family of polar bears. Because that water is ice cold.
Emily Thorne: Only at first, then you can't feel anything.
Lydia Davis: Sounds like my marriage.

Emily Thorne: Amanda Clarke no longer exists.

Emily Thorne: [Daniel]'s having a crisis of conscience.
Nolan Ross: Or maybe he's just freaked out to realize he's actually got one.

Emily Thorne: One thing you can count on. I never forget.

Emily Thorne: They say vengeance taken will tear the heart and torment the conscience. If there's any truth to it, then I now know with certainty that the path I'm on is the right one.

Emily Thorne: [Ashley is planning Victoria's 4th of July party] Ashley, this looks fantastic. Very festive.
Ashley Davenport: Thanks, although I have to admit it is slightly humiliating having to plan a party celebrating the defeat of England. I don't do well with rejection.
Emily Thorne: Obviously. That was over two hundred years ago.

Nolan Ross: What's my little girl with the infinity tattoo up to today?
Emily Thorne: Suddenly, she's thinking of filing a restraining order.
Nolan Ross: Yeah, well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? So... what irons are we throwing in the fire this week?
Emily Thorne: We are not throwing anything anywhere. I am going for a swim.
Nolan Ross: Ha! I thought you might say that. You know, it wouldn't, uh... it wouldn't kill you to try and be nice to me.
Emily Thorne: Not part of the plan.
Nolan Ross: Certainly hasn't stopped you from cozying up to Daniel Grayson.
Emily Thorne: That's because he actually *is* part of the plan.

Nolan Ross: Don't you think it's a little bit dangerous to be catnapping out in the open? Or are you actually baiting the white-haired Mannibal Lecter to come for you?
Emily Thorne: He's not gonna kill me.
Nolan Ross: Oh, really? Did he pinkie swear?

Nolan Ross: I don't think my employees have any respect for me.
Emily Thorne: Why would they? You're not wearing pants.
Nolan Ross: Well, I mean, they don't know that. You know, I once did a video interview with Katie Couric butt-naked in my jacuzzi. She had no idea.

Emily Thorne: I fear I'm losing control.
Satoshi Takeda: As you were warned, revenge is a stony path. Remember, inside the viper's nest, you must be a viper, too.

Emily Thorne: Every plan has a fatal flaw. Sometimes it's the heart... even in those who are supposed to be the most careful. But a careful nature doesn't always ensure success. When a plan is built on an unstable foundation, failure is not only a possibility, it's a certainty.

Daniel Grayson: Did I tell you how beautiful you look in that dress?
Emily Thorne: [amused laugh] Twice, actually.
Daniel Grayson: Well, what can I say? Some things are worth repeating.

Emily Thorne: Some say that our lives are defined by the sum of our choices. But it isn't really our choices that distinguish who we are. It's our commitment to them.

Nolan Ross: You scare me.
Emily Thorne: Good.

Gordon Murphy: I trust you had a pleasant nap, Miss Clarke. Rather than waste my time on a wild goose chase, I thought I'd give you the opportunity to tell me where you've hidden Grayson's evidence. In return, I may even let your friend here live.
Emily Thorne: Actually, he doesn't concern me.
Nolan Ross: [sarcastically] Gee, don't surgarcoat it, Ems.
Gordon Murphy: Well, if that's the case, I take back my offer.
[Murphy advances on Nolan with a scalpel in hand]
Emily Thorne: The evidence that you want is in locker 428 at the Port Authority bus terminal. The orange key from my keychain will open it.
Gordon Murphy: If that's true, what's to stop me from killing you right now?
Emily Thorne: I could be lying.
Nolan Ross: She's really quite good at it.

Emily Thorne: To carry a secret is to play with fire. Try to pass it on, and you risk hurting someone else. Hold on to it... and eventually, you'll get burned.

Nolan Ross: [approaching Emily and Aiden] Sacrificial lamb, reporting for the slaughter. I wasn't expecting an actual firing squad.

Nolan Ross: Unpleasant? Pshaw. Isn't it every man's dream to give over 49 percent of his company to a hostile conglomerate?

Nolan Ross: Ah, ambiguous sexual identity. I get it. I'm about a... 3 on the Kinsey scale myself.

Nolan Ross: Well bros before hos only works if he's not still in love with the ho, bro.

Nolan Ross: Don't do anything revenge-y until I get there.

Nolan Ross: You never cease to amaze and... terrify me, maestro.

Nolan Ross: What's on the revengenda this evening?

Nolan Ross: Y'ever notice how, whenever you want her to leave, girlfriend keeps popping up like the homicidal-stripper version of Whac-a-Mole?

Nolan Ross: Hey Nolan, this one time at revenge camp, I met this fellow avenger and guess where he's going to be summering?

Charlotte Grayson: Look, you're not gonna tell mom and dad about me being pregnant, are you?
Daniel Grayson: You think that's a conversation I want to be a part of?

Lydia Davis: I am so happy that we're friends again!
Victoria Grayson: [smiling broadly] Well it certainly appears that way, doesn't it? But then again, appearances can be deceiving, can't they? And you've practically made it an art form. Understand something, Lydia. Every time I smile at you across a room or we run into each other at a luncheon or I welcome you into my home? Let that smile be a reminder of just how much I despise you. And that every time I hug you? The warmth you feel is my hatred burning through.
[Hugs Lydia warmly]

Victoria Grayson: All men are born hardwired to betray. It's just a question of when.

Victoria Grayson: Charlotte, look at me. You're high right now, aren't you?
Charlotte Grayson: So what if I am on drugs? My father's a mass murderer. My half sister is an arsonist. Guess the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

Victoria Grayson: Don't let them see your weakness. That's the first thing they'll use against you.

Mason Treadwell: I've always been amazed at how you can make 20,000 square feet feel warm and inviting. Still, without Conrad, it feels somehow empty. Now, rumor has it, he's moved into the South Fork.
Victoria Grayson: And good riddance. This is one village that won't miss its idiot.

Declan Porter: You're gonna be a great mother.
Charlotte Grayson: Based on what? I have the worst role models in parental history.

Jack Porter: I don't think that Conrad and Allison are having an affair. Is she even his type?
Ashley Davenport: She's a woman.

Ashley Davenport: After years spent in the revolving door of Grayson Manor, I do know one thing. Conrad has a tell. It betrays when he's lying.
Jack Porter: He opens his mouth?

Des répliques de Friday Night Light:

Tim: Here's to God and football and, ten years from now, Street, good friends livin' large in Texas. Texas forever, Street. J
Jason: Texas forever.

Coach Taylor: Give all of us gathered here tonight the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable and we will all at some point in our lives fall; we will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts…that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us and that when it is taken from us we will be tested…we will be tested to our very souls. We will now all be tested. It is these times…it is this pain that allows us to look inside ourselves.  

Jason: Stop! My legs are never gonna get better….ever.
Lyla: But there are cases, lots of cases--
Jason: And those cases aren’t me. All right? I don’t even have full use of my hands. I’ll be lucky if I get that back. Alright, I can’t even put my own shoes on and off. How can you not see that? What the hell is wrong with you?
Lyla: I’m just trying to help you.
Jason: Yeah, well, you’re not helping. You wanna help then stop pretending that everything is OK.Lyla: Why are you getting so mad?Jason: Because every night when I go to sleep, I dream that I can walk again. And every morning, I wake up, and I have to accept it all over again. And then you walk in here, all smiles and acting like nothing’s wrong and it’s killing me! So get this through your head. My life as we knew it—over.
Lyla: Don’t say that, Jason.
Jason: Football--over. Notre Dame, going pro, all that--gone. You and me? We’re not getting married. So, I need you to do something for me, all right? Get out. Get out!! Don’t just look at me, go!

Coach Taylor: Wind sprints, up and down the hill. Let’s go. Let’s go. (whistle blows) If you think you’re champions because you wear the Panther uniform. You’re wrong! If you think you’re champions because they give you a piece of pie at the diner. You’re wrong! Champions don’t complain! Champions don’t give up! Let’s go Coach. Send ’em out. [whistle blows] Champions don’t give up! Champions don’t complain! Champions give 200%. You’re not champions until you’ve earned it!  

Coach Taylor: Execution! Where the hell’s the execution out there?! Huh? My God, we ought to be beating these bums by 40 points! Riggins, you’re supposed to be one of the toughest guys in the district. They are handing your ass to you, son! You better get your head in the game. Smash…north, south, north, south. You want to dance with these boys out there; you invite them to the prom!

Coach Taylor: [to his wife, about Matt] I think I told that kid to get our daughter in the backside of a car.

Tami: Can I help you make the decision?
Coach Taylor: Sure, go ahead. Make the decision. What's your decision? Make the call.
Tami: Start Saracen.
Coach Taylor: Start Saracen? I cannot start Matt Saracen.
Tami: Start Voodoo.
Coach Taylor: I don't want to start Voodoo.
Tami: Start me.
Coach Taylor: [laughs] I would love to start you.

Lyla: Tim, just don’t do this okay?
Tim: Do what?
Lyla: Pretend that you’re interested in my school work. It’s obvious that you’re not, that you’re just trying to--
Tim: Have a conversation, Lyla? Yeah, I thought we may want to try and do that sometime.
Lyla: Okay. What do you want to talk about Tim? The fact that you’re sleeping with your paralyzed best friend’s girlfriend. Is that what you want to talk about, Tim? No, I don’t think we’re going to be doing a lot of talking.

Coach Taylor: You know what I heard once? I heard that a daughter is supposed to be a comfort and a blessing to her father.
Julie: Texas isn’t even a state. Technically it’s a Republic. It'd be nice to live somewhere that’s actually a part of this planet.

Jason: Took you long enough to get here, man.
Tim: My truck ain’t running. We’re putting in this four-barrel carb. I hitched a ride, man. Sorry.
Jason: I’m guessing you know what this is about.
Tim: I do?
Jason: Yeah, of course you do. You wanna call yourself my best friend and you haven’t shown up but once since I’ve been in here. Six weeks, man. Six weeks. Let me go ahead and recap my life for you over the last couple of weeks, huh? My day starts out with me laying down on this bed, well pretty much the whole day takes place with me laying down in this bed on my sorry quadriplegic ass. Every day, people come in here poking and prodding me like I'm a piece of meat. Go ahead and stick a catheter in me in places you don’t want to know about. My big adventure of the day is going to the commode ‘cause I gotta go at the same time everyday so I can teach my body how to crap on cue. Impressive, huh? And then Lyla comes running in-(laughing)--I wanna know if she’s as chipper out there as she is in here. ‘Cause I tell you what –I love that girl. I do, I love her more than life itself but I tell you what if she tells me how great everything’s gonna be when I finally get out of here one more time, I’m gonna lose it. Point is this Timmy, while I’m in here dealing with all this, by myself, and my best friend is out there putting a four barrel carb in his damn truck. Is that what’s important right now? Answer me this Timmy, what happened to Texas forever? Huh? What happened to living large? What happened to that eternal bond that you used to love to throw around when I was still healthy and headed towards the NFL? Huh? I need you here Tim! I need you here. I expect---I expect you here. You are my best friend. Grace period's over.

Matt: [to Coach Taylor] I think I might have been confused between what was right for the team, and what... and what was right.

Smash: Hey look, y'all keep tryin', but you ain't gon' catch me.
Defender: 'Roid' Williams [referring to him as taking steroids to run faster.]
Smash: Hey, don't hate, accelerate!

Landry: Matt, that’s the thing. You’re not listening to me. If you look at a girl like a geometry proof the answer is just right in front of you. It’s your job to find the missing variable. You gotta solve for x.
Matt: Yeah, um, that’s actually algebra.
Landry: That’s actually not the point.

Coach Taylor: All right, listen up. I’m supposed to give you some fatherly and wise advice at this time in your life. Listen up, if you’re wondering if a boy’s thinking about you, he’s not. He’s thinking about sex or he's hungry, those are the only two options.
Julie: Are you trying to be funny?
Coach Taylor: No, I’m not finished, listen to me. Boys think about sex every single minute of the day. That’s what they do, that’s why they lie. They’re gonna leave you waiting around for them to call and they won’t call. They’re gonna be cruel and they’re gonna be misleading, and your mother wanted me to add this, that by in large football players are the worst offenders, however, I think that it pretty much crosses all lines.
Julie: Are you done?
Coach Taylor: You are beautiful, you are sensitive, you are sweet and I don’t want to see you get hurt.
Julie: I love you too, dad.

Tami: It’s becoming a thing. I mean, it’s a thing. And you know what thing it is, it’s that thing that we always knew was going to happen to our little girl. It’s that thing—that thing’s happening now.
Coach Taylor: Well, at least she’s not interested in a serial killer, or one of the Riggins.

Lyla: What are you doing? Don’t you know you’re sitting with the school slut?
Tim: Let them look, Lyla. I don’t care.
Lyla: It’s different for girls. You can sleep around all you want and people think you’re cool. I make one mistake—and it was a mistake. Tim you’re making it worse. You can’t be here.

Tami: [about Lyla] It was medieval; you know it was like the Scarlet Letter or something watching that girl walk across the cafeteria and everybody just glared at her.
Coach Taylor: That’s High School; at least they didn’t burn her at the goal post.

Tami: What’s the Scarlet Letter all about Tim?
Tim: You know what it’s about.
Tami: I do know.
Tim: Yeah
Tami: What’s the Scarlet Letter about?
Tim: It’s about a gal name Scarlet obviously
Tami: Tim you did not write this paper.
Tim: What’s the big deal?
Tami: The big deal is, that it's part of my job to make sure that you don't grow up stupid...it's bad for the world.

Smash: There’s something else I gotta say. Yeah, I like myself, and I love football. I love it. I love the game. I love the crowds. I love the attention. I love being a star. I can’t help it. It’s a beautiful thing it’s just who I am, it’s how God made me. I like you a lot, Waverly. I mean more than I’ve ever liked any other girl. But if you don’t like me for me then I gotta live with it ‘cause I can’t be nobody but the Smash. Yes, I like talking about myself in the third person. Something tells me deep down inside you like it too.
Waverly: I’ll see you around, Smash.

Coach Taylor: [after Julie came home late] No, no, look at me. Please don’t do this. Don’t break our trust. Don’t take our trust from us. Please.

Coach Taylor: Listen to me. Everything hangs in the balance right here. I have a question and I need some advice from you.
Tami: Alright.
Coach Taylor: I need to talk to the guidance counselor, not my wife. I need some unbiased, clear, honest advice. Everything hangs in the balance.
Tami: Alright, sit down. Come on, sit down.
Coach Taylor: The Boosters and Buddy want me to fire Mac McGill. I don't wanna fire Mac McGill. Mac McGill is a damn good coach and Mac McGill is important for me in the playoffs. I thought this was going to end a while ago, I didn't think it would go on as far as it did, I was wrong.
Tami: So what's the question?
Coach Taylor: The question is what do I do about firing Mac McGill?
[...]
Tami: Well, I mean, as the guidance counselor I gotta say that that, to me, is a fireable offense. What he said.
Coach Taylor: Alright let me talk to my wife. Let me talk to the person who cares about me and cares about the team, and also has to understand the relevance and the importance to our future of us winning the regional.
Tami: There is nothing more clear to me that your team is way more important to you then Mac McGill.
Coach Taylor: Is there anyone else I can talk to?
Tami: You can talk to your friend.
Coach Taylor: What does she have to say?
Tami: This is not about Mac McGill, it's not about the team. This is about you. You've been put in this position now where you've got to make the decision. If you don't fire him at this point you are condoning what he said.
Coach Taylor: Honey he said something stupid, he's not a racist. He's a friend.
Tami: I know, but that is not something for a kids' assistant coach to say. No less for a government employee, which is what he is.
Coach Taylor: The three of you scare me.

Tim: What do you do?
JV Player: Uh, okay, I know this.
Tim: Too late, play's over. You waited too long to make a decision and now we lost the game 'cause of you. We're not going to State and the whole town of Dillon hates you. You're never gonna get laid your entire life. Fact.

Mama Williams: You quitting football to try and make a point about racism in a small Texas town, that ain't the "Million Man March" You are seventeen and you got a brilliant future ahead of you and I'm not gonna sit here and watch you throw it away trying to teach a lesson to a bunch of fools. You know how you get back at people that think like Mac McGill. You get back on that team. You play like the star that you are and you get recruited by an A-list University, go on and get your degree. Now you get up from here, get you something to eat, get your butt in the bed 'cause you're going to that game tomorrow.
Smash: What about everybody who said they weren't gonna play?
Mama Williams: You a leader honey, they'll follow you.

Coach Taylor: How long we gonna sit out here?
Tami: A little bit longer.
Coach Taylor: All the other parents have picked up their perps, why can't we pick up ours?

Matt: So, you wanna maybe try and study again in the…
Julie: I think we should have sex.
Matt: Morning.
Julie: Well, I think it’s time, don’t you think. [Matt nods] Yeah, me too, so um, let’s get on that, good night.
Tami: [from the car] Hey, Matt.
Matt: Hi, Mrs…Mrs. Coach.

Bo: What are you doing Tim Riggins?
Tim: I’m fixing my truck.
Bo: Well, I’m Bo Miller; I’m your new next door neighbor.
Tim: Ok.
Bo: And you’re Tim Riggins number 33 who single handedly led the Panthers to the semi’s. What happened to your eye? Are you gonna be able to play in the semi’s?
Tim: Can you shut up?
Bo: I don’t know can I?
Tim: Stop please, I’m gonna need you to shut up. Cause I’m incredibly hung over right now.
Bo: What does that mean?
Tim: You’re going to need to go home, okay, thank you.

Julie: I've been moving around my entire life, and for the first time...it just felt like I was at home. And..and..I know going to Austin and being some college football coach is your dream. But I have dreams too...and they're coming true right here.
Coach Taylor: I hear ya...

Landry: Tyra is that you, what are you doing here?
Tyra: Nothing just wishing I could build a time machine and go back and shoot who ever it is that invented Algebra, that’s for sure.
Landry: Well, see that’s kind of a Catch-22, though because in order to invent that time machine you may need to use Algebra.

Landry: [to Tyra] But for some reason I really just think that there's a guy out there that'll show up sober, that'll listen to you when you talk, that'll actually, you know, respect your opinions and actually take care of you and recognize you for the smart and beautiful and caring woman that you are, Tyra...

Coach Taylor: We done fighting?
Tami: Uh huh.
Coach Taylor: I love you. I respect you. I am proud of you. I am in love with you completely. I'm sorry for the way all this happened. [pause] I'll tell you what, though. Austin is going to be good to this family.
Tami: I know it is. But, baby, I'm not going to Austin. I can't leave here now.

Coach Taylor: Sunday. Big championship game. How you feeling?
Matt: Good, I'm feelin' good.
Coach Taylor: Yeah, you think you're ready?
Matt: Yeah!
Coach Taylor: You think he's ready?
Jason: I don't think he's ready.
Coach Taylor: I'm not thinking you're ready either.
Jason: I'm thinking that if he plays up in Dallas like he played last Friday night, they're gonna eat him for breakfast.
Coach Taylor: That's pretty much what I'm thinking.
Jason: I think they're gonna squash him.
Coach Taylor: Pretty much like a bug.
Jason: Like a flea, Saracen.
Coach Taylor: So I don't want you restin' on your laurels, you understand me?
Jason: You don't have any laurels, Saracen.
Coach Taylor: Not a damn laurel. Here's what's gonna happen: You're gonna be workin' with Jason here.
Matt: Okay.
Coach Taylor: You're gonna do everything Jason tells you to. And you're gonna do it 'cause Jason has my blessing. So if he tells you to jump off a cliff, I want you to jump off that cliff. Now you tell me: Saracen, why are you gonna jump off that cliff?
Matt: 'Cause, 'cause he has your blessing?
Coach Taylor: That's exactly right! [To Jason] You have any problems, you let me know.
Jason: Thank you, coach.
Coach Taylor: Have a good day, son. [Leaves the office]
Matt: All right, coach.
Jason: What are you still standing there for, Saracen? Go finish your weights, finish your program. Get your plays. Meet me in the film room for lunch. And get used to that because we're gonna be havin' an awful lot of meals together.
Matt: Well, actually I usually have lunch with Julie.
Jason: I'll take care of Julie for you, don't worry about it. I'll give her a nice call and tell her there's a new girl in town. And that girl is me! Thank you, Saracen. Hit the weights.
Matt: Okay. Great.

Coach Taylor: Let start tonight with... Smash. Now what is there to say about Smash? There's nothing to say about him, I don't think, that he hasn't already said about himself.
Smash: I'm in on it, now you got me on that, Coach. You got me on that.

Smash: Now, for as long as I know Tim Riggins, there's only two phrases that can put a smile on his face. Number 1: We're going to State. And Number 2: The results are in: You are NOT the father.

Coach Taylor: Every man at some point in his life is going to lose a battle. He is going to fight and he is going to lose. But what makes him a man is at the midst of that battle he does not lose himself. This game is not over, this battle is not over.  

Landry: I'm pullin' over.
Tyra: Why?
Landry: Because it's the Christian thing to do.
Tyra: [to Lyla] Oh, hey, cheating cheerleader bitch. Wanna ride?

Landry: Why don't you go punch him in the face?
Matt: Oh, is that what you would do?
Landry: In some situations you need to ask yourself, W.W.R.D.? What Would Riggins Do? In this situation?
Matt: Riggins would not be in this situation 'cause Riggins is captain of the S.S. Ta-Tas over there.

Jason: Missed you at practice today, Riggs.
Tim: Well, yeah. Doc told me to rest, so I'm resting.
Jason: Yeah, did he prescribe a 12 pack, too?
Tim: No, that was me.

Lyla: You should try practice without a hangover. I hear it's a entirely different game.
Tim: Yeah, that's kind of what I'm afraid of.

Tim: [After Jason bails Tim out of jail in Mexico] Sweet, Six. Took you long enough. Now those gals are probably gone.
Jason: Shut your mouth, Riggins! I should have left you in there all damn night. Sad sorry ass! I'm not supposed to be spending my money on your bail.
Tim: Yeah, it's my fault we find the only honest cop in Mexico.
Jason: Shut your ass, Riggins! You know this money's for my surgery. It's not for your damn bail.
Tim: What's your problem, Six?
Jason: You know what? I came down here for a reason, all right? I know you think it's stupid, but guess what--it's not. You go ahead and get loaded tonight and catch syphilis from whatever skanky jailbait, random hooker or whore you can find on the street, but I'm going back to the hotel! [wheels himself away]
Tim: Can you at least buy me a couple of tacos?

Tami: Wanna fool around?
Coach Taylor: Do you?
Tami: Mm-yeah.
Coach Taylor: I don't sense a true commitment from that.

Landry: [to the football team] Maybe we're forgetting that we're a lot stronger together than we're ever gonna be alone. I realize that I am not anywhere close to one of the most talented players in this room and I know I've never played one real down of football but, but I know we can - we can either win together or we can lose alone. And I know it sounds stupid but it is an honor just to stand in here with ya'll.

Coach Taylor: [yelling] You know how many people depend on you to make good decisions? Huh? Do you have any idea? Your grandmother, your friends, your teammates. You better start making them, you better stop being so damn selfish, you hear me?
Matt: Shut up! Just shut up! You don't care about me, you left me for a better job, your daughter left me for a better guy, Carlotta left me for Guatemala, my dad left me for a damn war. Everybody leaves me. What's wrong with me?
Coach Taylor: There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you at all.

Billy: [about Lyla] You're a rebound from Jesus.
Tim: No, I'm not a rebound.
Billy: You're a summer fling.
Tim: I don't believe that.

Tim: You know what, you know what the problem really is? Is that you don't take me seriously. I'm some fling to you.
Lyla: You're not a fling.
Tim: Okay, then what's the problem? [pause]: Shoot.
Lyla: Okay. You want to know what the problem is Tim? You scare me.Tim: I scare you.Lyla: Yeah, you scare me. You're Tim Riggins. You show up drunk to school. You don't do your own homework. You have rally girls do your homework for you. You don't go to class. Your relationships last about 20 minutes. How am I suppose to take you seriously if you don't take yourself seriously?

Smash: [to Coach Taylor while playing racquetball] You realize this is the whitest sport in history?  

Tim: Lyla, I know how to dress myself.
Lyla: No, you only know how to put on a plaid shirt and button one button.
Tim: You know what would be great? We just leave, cause I don't wanna go to this dinner in the first place.
Lyla: Yeah well, if you only did what you wanted to do, your life would be all about football, beer, and sex, wouldn't it?
Tim: And what's the problem with that?

Lyla: I didn’t know you googled.
Tim: I’m not retarded. I google.
Lyla: Yeah I know but sometimes you pretend you are.

Tim: You are coming over tomorrow night, correct?
Lyla: Mindy and Angela are gonna be there.
Tim: [confused] OK, no Mindy, what.. No.
Lyla: I don't know if you notice or not, but Mindy and Angela hate me.
Tim: What? They don't hate you. They don't even know you. If they did, they'd love you. And you know what? Somebody wants his girlfriend to be there. Okay? And you know what? If they even look at you wrong, and you don't see it, and I do? I'm gonna blindside them with the worst block they'll have ever seen. So what I want from you right now is for you to say, "Yes, Tim, I can't wait to see you and hang out with you tomorrow night".  

Tami: I love that about you.
Coach Taylor: What? That I can't make a decision to save my life?
Tami: No. That you make the decision with such a conscience. What other coach would think like that? I think it's because you're a teacher first. You--you are a molder of men. And I find that admirable, and I find that very sexy.

Matt: You can't quit the team.
Shelby: Why, what would they do? Shoot you?
Matt: Probably. We do live in Texas.

Jason: [to Tim] What are you doing out of school? [to Billy] What did you write him a note or something?
Tim: I told them I was pregnant. Need a few days to relax.

Jason: What single characteristic as a football player do you think defines Tim Riggins?
Coach Taylor: Toughness. I have never seen a kid with more fortitude than Tim Riggins. No fear.

Landry: [about learning his new "girlfriend"is actually gay] Okay, I'm gonna go let this sink in because I don't know how to react right now.

Julie: [after she gets her dad to consider moving Matt to wide receiver] So me being your girlfriend - does that entitle me to like ten percent of your endorsements?
Matt: No it doesn't.
Julie: We should set up a contract now.

Tim: Hey Six? Um, I hope you get everything... [clears his throat] I hope you get everything you want. But no matter what happens in there, you're always gonna be my best friend, and you deserve to be happy.
Jason: Thank you...Texas forever.
Tim: Texas forever.

[Lyla comes out of her room]
Buddy: Oh.. It's alive! I thought I was gonna have to send in Search and Rescue.

Lyla: [discussing college] Did you really get in?
Tim: Yeah, only Riggins to get in, probably the last.
Lyla: I knew you would.
Tim: I'm in because of you. [Leans in to kiss Lyla] Oh wow. Mmm...are you on a bender right now? I almost got a buzz off your breath there just now. Like, I don't think it's safe for me to drive right now. And for me to say that - it's a lot.
Lyla: I'm sorry...
Tim: Don't be. It's fantastic. [kisses her] I'll get drunk with you. I'm on board.

Landry: Please tell me the lesson you've learned.
Matt: Always lock the door.
Landry: When having sex with the Coach's daughter.

Landry: Tyra, do you want to remind me again why Mindy thinks that it's a good idea to have a party outside in December?
Tyra: Yeah, remind me again why my sister thinks it's a good idea to marry Billy Riggins?
Landry: That is a good point.
Tyra: That's a really good point.

Coach Taylor: [about the game] I have no idea what's gonna happen tomorrow, babe.
Tami: Well, you're gonna win. Or you're gonna lose. Either way the sun's gonna come up the next morning.

Tim: Last game, Seven.
Matt: No regrets.

Coach Taylor: [after the game] I wanted everyone's friends and family to be in here to hear this, gentlemen. I have never been more proud of a team than I am right now. I am in awe of each and every one of you gentlemen. [Long pause] You played great football tonight. This is the game that people are gonna talk about for years to come. This is the game you are gonna talk about. There's not a single person in this room that's ever gonna be the same. You be proud of yourselves. Because gentlemen, you are champions.  

Tyra: [reading her college essay] Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting would lead to trying, and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can't stop wanting. I wanna fly somewhere in first class. I wanna travel to Europe on a business trip. I wanna get invited to the White House. I wanna learn about the world. I wanna surprise myself. I wanna be important. I wanna be the best person I can be. I wanna define myself instead of having others define me. I wanna win and have people be happy for me. I wanna lose and get over it. I wanna not be afraid of the unknown. I wanna grow up to be generous and big hearted, the way that people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life. It's not that I think I'm gonna get all these things. I just want the possibility of getting them. College represents this possibility. The possibility that things are gonna change. I can't wait.  
 
Vince: I'm Vince.
Coach Taylor: I'm Coach Taylor...you play any football?
Vince: Yeah, all the time.
Coach Taylor: What do you play?
Vince: Madden.

Coach Taylor: A few of you have been here. A few of you have not. One thing we all have to do tonight, we've got to focus. The game plan, the fundamentals, gentlemen, moving the sticks what we're going to be doing out there. And listen, fellas, there's a joy to this game, is there not? There's a passion, there's a reason why we're all out here. Other than the fact the pride that it gives us and the respect that it demands we love to play the game so let's go out there and have fun tonight. Do you understand? Because tomorrow, if you give 100% of yourself tonight people are going to look at you differently. People are going to think of you differently. And I promise you you're going look and think differently about yourself. Clear eyes. Full Hearts.
Landry: Can't Lose.

Grandma Saracen: Landry, stop throwing the ball. You look like a girl.
Landry: Just one more.
Grandma Saracen: No. You're just a funny looking creature.
Landry: [to Matt] She seems to be doing well.

Tim: [helping Billy paint the nursery] Billy, if I threw up on this wall you wouldn't even know it because this color is puke.
Billy: It's mustard!

Billy: Every time she farts she's thinking that her water's breaking or that she's having contractions. So back off!
Tim: Hey Billy can you pass me that violin please?
Billy: Shut up.
Tim: You're hoggin' it.

Matt: What would you say is the most important tool for an artist to have?
Richard Sherman: What's with you and all the questions?
Matt: You just told me to talk!
Richard Sherman: The most important tool an artist can have is selfishness. Because you're going to spend your life trying to express some quiet dark corner deep, deep inside you…you WILL put aside love... god... LIFE in order to follow that craving. So my advice to you is to just screw everybody else and maybe you got a chance.

Mindy: I don't want you to miss the ultrasound!
Billy: Tim and I can go hunting any time.
Tim: No, we can't, that's why it's called hunting season!  

Julie: Did you hear that Brown used to make people hand write their essays?
Matt: That's how they'd weed out the serial killers.  

Matt: I gotta get up there in front of everybody and say good stuff about this man. And all I really want to say is 'Here lies Henry Saracen, his mother annoyed him, his wife couldn't stand him and he didn't want to be a dad so he took off to be in the army because that's the only way he could come up with to get out of here and ditch all your responsibilities and no one could call you out on it and that worked out great so you just decided to enlist four more times and that ended up getting you killed and now here you are. And all you left behind is a mother with dementia, a divorced wife and a son that delivers pizza. Thank you for coming 100 people I do not know.' You know what the worst part is? Even if I did get up and say all that I don't even know if I'm saying it to him because I don't know what's in that damn box. It's a closed casket-- might be someone else, someone funnier or a bunch of rocks.

Julie: You don't have to eat if you don't want to.
Matt: I'm hungry.
Tami: Well do you want something else, hun?
Matt: No, I'm sorry... I don't like carrots and I don't like when they touch the meat.
Tami: I'll just take it away.
Matt: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm being rude, I'm sorry. I don't like being rude. I don't like being rude. I'm just having a moment here. I'm just having a moment, I don't think I'm OK.
Julie: Matt.
Matt: I hate him. I don't like hating people, but I just put all my hate on him so I don't have to hate anyone else so I can be a good person, you know to my Grandma, to my friends, to your daughter. That's all I want to say. I want to tell him to his face that I hate him but he doesn't even have a face. I'm sorry, Mrs. Taylor. I'll see y'all tomorrow.  

Landry: I'm sorry man.
Matt: You should be man, you suck. We've been working on this for a while and you still suck.
Landry: Not at all I was talking about...

Matt: They're giving us a death gratuity.
Landry: A death gratuity?
Matt: Yeah it's like 100 thousand dollars.
Landry: Does it come in a tip jar?

Matt: Someone gave me this grieving handbook and it said: when you're dad dies you should most likely, probably go to a music festival in Austin.
Julie: You're such a liar.

Vince: Why do you care about what I do so much? Aren't I just another player who can throw the ball good and run fast? What happens if I break my ankle and I can't play no more? You gonna come around here then? I've lived here ten years. I've seen three of my best friends get killed walking home from school. This is my life. When I leave football practice, I'm the one looking over my should on my way home.
Coach Taylor: You get in trouble with the law again, you're going to juvie. And then who pays the bills and puts food on the table? This isn't just about football, this is a about life. I'm giving you everything I've got. You think about what I said.

Regina: I just wanted to say: thank you for making my son quarterback. Things like that don't happen to us. People like us don't get a lot of breaks. You should've seen his face when he told me. He looked like a kid again.
Coach Taylor: I didn't give it to him, he earned it.

Tim: We gotta sell something.
Billy: What are we gonna sell? We got nothing except Kit Kat.
Tim: We're not selling Kit Kat, she's the face of Riggins' Riggs.
Billy: You're right, you're right. I love that cow.

Coach Taylor: Because Friday night... Friday night, there will be a bond formed between and among you, that will never be broken. I will not be proven wrong on that. Do I think we can beat the Dillon Panthers? I don't think we can beat the Dillon Panthers. I know damn well we can beat the Dillon Panthers. The question is, do you think that we can beat the Dillon Panthers? Then show me!  

Billy: I'm thinking about coaching. You know, I figure, since I coached you...
Tim: Coach was my coach.

Grandma Saracen: You come over here I want to hug your neck!
Landry: Okay.
Grandma Saracen: I want you to pursue your music. That Crucific-whatever it is.
Landry: Crucifictorious.
Grandma Saracen: Yes. You love it. You should do it while you're at college. And I have your songs. Got them in my MP player. I can listen to them whenever I want.

Epic: Everybody smokes in Texas. Babies smoke in Texas.
Tami: Even babies can't smoke on school property.

Coach Taylor: Close that door. When I first met you, you were climbing out of a police car. People said you were a punk and you'd never last on the field.
Vince: Screw that.I work hard for everything.
Coach Taylor: I know that and you oughta be proud of that. I am. Your teammates are proud of you. It's about character. It's about striving to be better than everybody else.
Vince: Coach, my dad just got out of prison. He's staying with me at my house. And I can't stand him. My mom she asked me to forgive him, to be better. And you're asking me to be better. I don't know how to be better because he never taught me how! He never taught me to be better! He's not around. And I'm supposed to be better!?
Coach Taylor: Listen to me. I said you need to strive to be better than everyone else. I didn't say you needed to be better than everyone else. But you gotta try. That's what character is. It's in the trying.

Billy: Triple A is for women. We don't ask for directions and we fix our own cars.    

Jess: I've gotta run
Vince: Yeah me too - 3 miles!
Jess: Oh, well try not to trip over your ego when you're running!

Tami: Let's have a barbecue.
Coach Taylor: What?
Tami: Let's have a morale building barbecue.
Coach Taylor: You said it. I didn't say anything.

Jess: Coach I was wondering if you'd write me a recommendation for this thing at Baylor.
Coach Taylor: At Baylor? Ah, sure, write something up and leave it on my desk.
Jess: But Coach, I can't recommend myself.
Coach Taylor: Sure you can.
Jess: Are you sure that's legal?
Coach Taylor: Sure, sure.  

[Hastings is pretending to be a TV host while Luke pretends to be Vince]
Hastings: Oh, there he is, the golden child Vince Howard. Tell us how you slaughtered the Panthers.
Luke: I threw the ball to myself, I caught it in the end zone, and then I kicked the extra point with my gold-plated schlong.

Buddy: [speaking at Tim's parole hearing] I've known this young man since before he hit puberty, and this young man has done a lot of things wrong. I've seen him do a dozen things wrong, but let me tell you something right now, he is not a bad young man, and he's certainty not a criminal. He doesn't need to be in this system. He dated my daughter for years, and we took him in like family. So he's like family to me, and I can tell you this kid right here has got more heart than almost any person I know. And I can promise you that when you let him out, he will have a full time job working for me, and I can guarantee you that nothing like this will ever happen again. You have my word on that. It's time for you to let Tim Riggins come home.  

Tim: Your pregnant wife is stripping, your son is being bottle fed by another stripper and you're on your seventh beer.
Billy: You won't hear me complain!

Tim: You're going to State, correct?
Luke: Yeah.
Tim: It's never gonna be bigger than that. Play it like that. Lace up like it's the last game you'll ever play. And then move on. That's the best advice I can give you.  

Coach Taylor: You may never know how proud I am of you.
Vince: You changed my life, Coach.

Coach Taylor: [to Matt and Julie] Marriage requires maturity. Marriage requires two people that will listen, really listen to each other. Marriage most of all requires compromise.  

Tyra: I have dreams.
Tim: I know you do. I have dreams too. I'm going to build a house exactly where we're sitting and I'll get a job. And I'm never going to do anything illegal for the rest of my life. Guarantee it. Maybe one day our dreams can merge together.

Hum, j'suis un peu seule par ici, hein?


True Blood:


Eric Northman: [watching Ginger clean up what's left of LongShadow] When Ginger is finished, glamour her for me.
Pam: Are you sure? She's been glamoured one too many times already. Who's knows how much of her is left.
Eric Northman: It's either that or turn her. You want her?
Pam: Please! I'm not that desperate. Glamour it is.
Eric Northman: [satisfied] Excellent.

Pam: [looking on as Sookie and Bill kiss] If I had any feelings, I'd have the chills right about now.
Eric Northman: Not me.

Pam De Beaufort: [to Sookie] With what you are, faerie princess, you need to be somebody's or you won't BE at all. Eric is handsome, he's rich, and in his own way, he cares about you. He really does.

Pam De Beaufort: [to Sookie] Did I miss something? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chicklet memoir and now are bound together by estrogen and sisterhood or some other feminist drivel?

Pam De Beaufort: Technology's taken all the fun out of being a vampire.

Pam: I should have told you that lavender is my favorite color.
Sookie Stackhouse: Pam, I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness.

Sookie Stackhouse: [watching Eric with the new dancer] What the s...?
Eric Northman: [stops and turns] Sookie... see anything you like?
Pam: I do.
Eric Northman: I take it Sookie couldn't be stopped?
Pam: What can I say? She overpowered me.

Pam: [miffed, to Arlene's children] You make me so happy I never had any of you.
Eric Northman: Oh come on, Pam. They're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans.

Pam: You're a maker, you're a hero.
Bill Compton: I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human.
Pam: [smiling] Thank you.

Pam: [looking at Eric's hair] This is a disaster. We'll have to go much shorter than I planned.
Eric Northman: Well I said I was sorry, Pam. He took silver to me. [to Lafayette] You were there, you saw it. Defend me.

Pam De Beaufort: [to Eric] Do not tell me you put our entire species at risk for a gash in a sundress?

Lafayette Reynolds: Do something!
Pam De Beaufort: I am. I'm laughing.

Ginger: Why are you all dirty?
Pam De Beaufort: I was in the ground. What's your excuse?

Pam De Beaufort: [to Jessica, about Hoyt] That tree with the plaid shirt has a name? He seems sweet and all, but if you're making him bring you here, I have a hunch that it's not enough.

Pam De Beaufort: [to Jessica] The restrooms are for humans. Do I need to explain why?

Pam De Beaufort: [incredulous to Sookie and Lafayette] I am wearing a Wal-Mart sweatsuit for y'all. That's not demonstration of team spirit, I don't know what is.

Ginger: I have been your sex slave for 15 years, Eric Northman, and we ain't never had sex, blowjob, handjob, nothin'. Do you know what a sex slave is without the sex?
Pam De Beaufort: A slave.

[Pam walks in and interrupts Eric and Sookie]
Eric Northman: What?
Pam De Beaufort: Blah blah vampire emergency, blah

Sookie Stackhouse: [In reference to Godric] He's your maker, isn't he?
Eric Northman: Don't use words you don't understand.
Sookie Stackhouse: You have a lot of love for him.
Eric Northman: Don't use words I don't understand.

Eric Northman: The bond between a vampire and his maker is stronger than you can imagine.

Eric Northman: You surprise me. That is rare quality in a breather
Sookie Stackhouse: [seething] You disgust me.
Eric Northman: Perhaps I'll grow on you.
Sookie Stackhouse: I'd prefer cancer!

Eric Northman: So what brings you to Fangtasia this balmy summer night?
Sookie Stackhouse: Bill's been kidnapped and I think you did it.
Eric Northman: I didn't. Any other theories?
Sookie Stackhouse: I'm still on this one. Thank you very much.

Eric Northman: TruBlood, it keeps you alive, but it will bore you to death.

Eric Northman: [to Bill] If you're their poster boy, the mainstreaming movement is in very deep trouble.

Bill Compton: [as Eric enters his home] I take it by your being here, there was no way around it then?
Eric Northman: I can't really say. Didn't exactly look into it.

Eric Northman: [looking around Merlotte's] Wow. This place is even more depressing than I thought it'd be.

Bill Compton: Try to behave yourself.
Eric Northman: Don't I always?

Godric: [on the roof with Eric] Two thousand years is enough.
Eric Northman: [unbelieving] I can't accept this. It's insanity!
Godric: 'Our' existance is insanity... we don't belong here.
Eric Northman: But we 'are' here!
Godric: It's not right. We're not right.
Eric Northman: [stepping forward] You taught me there was no right or wrong. Only survival or death.
Godric: I told a lie, as it turns out.
Eric Northman: I will keep you alive by force!
Godric: Even if you could, why would you be so cruel?
Eric Northman: [begins crying blood, in Swedish] Godric, don't do it.
Godric: [in Swedish] There are centuries of faith and love between us.
Eric Northman: [crying; in Swedish] Please, please!... Please, Godric!
Godric: [in Swedish] Father... brother... child...
[in English]
Godric: Let me go.
Eric Northman: [stops crying, breathing deep] I won't let you die alone.
Godric: Yes, you will.
[Eric gets to his feet as Godric rests a hand on his shoulder]
Godric: As your maker. I command you.
Sookie Stackhouse: [Eric walks to the stairs, she reaches for him and he turns to her] I'll stay with him. As long as it takes.
[Eric leaves]

Eric Northman: Is there blood in my hair?
Lafayette Reynolds: What?
Eric Northman: Is there blood in my hair?
Lafayette Reynolds: I... I don't know. I can't see in this light.
Eric Northman: [goes over quickly] How about now?
Lafayette Reynolds: [shaking] Y... yeah t... there's a little bit of blood in there, yeah.
Eric Northman: This is bad. Pam is going to kill me.

Eric Northman: There are two Sookie Stackhouses. One who still clings to the idea that she's merely human, and the other who's coming to grips with the fact that you are better than that.
Sookie Stackhouse: And what do you think's gonna happen when I do come to grips with it? Do you think my legs are just gonna magically open for you?
Eric Northman: Well, that was saucy. It must've been Fairy Sookie talking. I like when she comes out.

Eric Northman: You broke my nose!
Sookie Stackhouse: You're a vampire. You'll heal in five minutes.
Eric Northman: I know I'm a vampire, Snookie.
Sookie Stackhouse: It's SOOKIE!

Eric Northman:  You're going to invite me in, so I can protect you or have passionate primal sex with you... how about both?
Sookie Stackhouse: You're not going to distract me by talking nasty.
Eric Northman: I already have. So... are you going to invite me in?

Eric Northman: [pacing the porch, teasingly] To have and to hold. To love and to cherish. To blah blah blah blah. Till death do you part. Doesn't bother you that you'll be the only one doing the dying?

[Sookie sniffs]
Eric Northman: Please don't do that. It makes me feel... disturbingly human.

Lafayette Reynolds: You let me go!
Eric Northman: I gave you a very generous gift. The gift of not killing you.

Tara Thornton: My life sucks.
Sookie Stackhouse: Tara, don't you be fellin' sorry for yourself. That's just lazy.
Tara Thornton: But why can't I keep a job?
Sookie Stackhouse: Maybe because you can't keep your mouth shut.
Tara Thornton: Bitch, who asked you!
[winks]

Jason Stackhouse: [about Maudette's murder] I don't even know why they suspected me. I think somebody heard I'd been with Maudette.
Sookie Stackhouse: Had you?
Jason Stackhouse: No.
Sookie Stackhouse: Are you sure? She *was* a woman.

Jason Stackhouse: There's werewolves?
Sookie Stackhouse: Yes.
Jason Stackhouse: What about Bigfoot? Do you think he's real?
Sookie Stackhouse: I suppose it's possible.
[pause]
Jason Stackhouse: Santa?

Sookie Stackhouse: Jason, you look me in the eye and you tell me the truth. Did you kill Dawn?
Jason: What? No. Jesus, Sook. Look, when Maudette died I thought I might of done it, and it turned out I didn't. With Dawn, I don't even think I might have done it, so I know I didn't.

Jason: You know, I was sitting in that jail, I just kept thinking about all the stupid stuff I've done.
Sookie Stackhouse: That must have kept you busy.

[crying tears of blood]
Jessica Hamby: What's wrong with me?
Sookie Stackhouse: Sweetie, vampires don't cry regular tears. So when you cry, you're gonna cry blood from now on.
Jessica Hamby: Why do you know this and I don't? Don't you think I should know this about myself?
Sookie Stackhouse: Bill probably should have told you.
Jessica Hamby: Geez, ya think?

Sookie Stackhouse: [to Andy] If you're gonna accuse me of lying, be a man and say it out loud for Pete's sake. Either way, I'm gonna hear you whether you look me in the eye or not. Let's face it, there's not a whole lotta ideas in there. Like mice in a cage.

Adele Stackhouse: He seems like a very nice man.
Sookie Stackhouse: He's not.
Adele Stackhouse: He's not nice?
Sookie Stackhouse: Or a man.

Sookie Stackhouse: I've know Tara my whole life and every trace of her was gone. Replaced. And here I thought vampires were the only one's who could hypnotize people.
Bill Compton: No offense Sookie, but humans are shockingly susceptible to just about every form of thought manipulation.

Sookie Stackhouse: [to Claudine] I have a fairy godmother? Okay, if your job is to look after me, can I just say you suck.

Stan: I have a plan.
Isabel: It's not a plan. It's a movie!

Bill Compton: We established there was to be no hunting in this house.
Jessica Hamby: I know you feel like shit because you had to make me and you should feel like shit! But guess what? I'd never kissed a boy before that. Meetin' Hoyt is the only good thing that's happened to me since... my whole new life started. No, I'm not ready for any thing to happen to fast. I-I'd been happy just to go on kissin' him all night long... Is it my fault my fangs come out when I get turned on?

Jason Stackhouse: I'm alive. Holy shit. God saved me. I'm saved.
Sarah Newlin: Oh, for heaven's sake, grow a brain cell. Paintballs!

Adele Stackhouse: [about prostitutes who sleep with vampires] Wonder how much one would charge for something like that?
Jason Stackhouse: A thousand bucks.
Sookie Stackhouse: [in disgust] See, now that just makes me sick.
Adele Stackhouse: I know. What kind of cheap woman could ever do something like that?
Sookie Stackhouse: No, it makes me sick that they're getting a thousand bucks to lay there and do nothing while I bust my ass for ten bucks an hour plus tips!

Jason Stackhouse: I hooked up with Maudette last night. We had sex. That's all.
Andy Bellefleur: How would characterize the sex?
Jason Stackhouse: [hesitant] Uh... it was okay.

Jason Stackhouse: Never really thought I was smart enough to get depressed.

Jason Stackhouse: A lot of Americans don't think you people deserve special rights.
Bill Compton: They're the same rights you have.
Jason Stackhouse: No, I'm just saying there's a reason things are the way they are.
Bill Compton: Yeah. It's called injustice.

Jason Stackhouse: Well, thanks for making me look like a fool in front of him, Gran.
Adele Stackhouse: [smiling] Jason, you don't need any help lookin' like a fool.

Jason: [in his thoughts] I'm too damn pretty to go to prison.

Jason Stackhouse: Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That's in the Bible or the Constitution.

Detective Andy Bellefleur: I just think you've had everything to easy.
Jason Stackhouse: What have I ever had that was easy?
Detective Andy Bellefleur: You were all-state quarter back.
Jason Stackhouse: You think that was easy? I'm startin' to have knee issues and I ain't even thirty yet. What else?
Detective Andy Bellefleur: Well yeah, women do just throw themselves at you. You don't even have to do anything.
Jason Stackhouse: Yeah well, actually I do. I work out like a mother-fucker and I watch a lotta porn to learn stuff. What else?... My best friend killed my grandma and my girlfriend. I come from no money. My momma and daddy died when I was eleven.

Jason Stackhouse: You think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own egg? Wouldn't that be weird, eating something just came out of you?
Andy Bellefleur: What kind of a perverted brain would even think of something like that?

Calvin Norris: We don't need none of your fucking help. We've been fine on our own for a long time.
Jason Stackhouse: Is that so? Cuz I see a lot of people who look dirty, and hungry, and kids who probably ain't in school. And several people obviously got dental problems.

Jason Stackhouse: [praying] Dear God. You gotta help me out. I don't know what's right or wrong no more. Maybe I never did. Just... please, please give me another sign. 'Cause I'm lost. I'm so fuckin' lost.
[is hit with a pillow]
Luke McDonald: There's your sign. Now shut up. Some of us are trying to sleep.

Jason Stackhouse: It's like if a tree falls in the woods, it's still a tree, ain't it

Jason Stackhouse: I'm not saying anything happened just now, but if something did happen, it didn't happen.

Jason Stackhouse: Sook, if you start telling people that you time traveled to a place full of fairies, they're going to put you away

Andy Bellefleur: Jesus, Stackhouse. Have you slept with every woman in this town?
Jason Stackhouse: I don't know, close, I guess.

Sam Merlotte: It would only be a matter of time 'fore you went off on somebody. I don't wanna drive my customers away.
Tara Thornton: I only go off on stupid people.
Sam Merlotte: Most of my customers *are* stupid people.

Lafayette Reynolds: Hey, hooker. How you doin'? What are you doin' here?
Tara Thornton: I work here.
Lafayette Reynolds: [not believing] Oh no, the hell you don't.
Tara Thornton: Oh yes the hell I do too, you ugly bitch! You need to make peace with that.
Lafayette Reynolds: Shit. Sam must've lost his damned mind 'cause you should not be allowed to work in no situation where you actually gotta interact with people.

[customer snaps for service]
Tara Thornton: Do NOT snap at me! I have a name, and that name is Tara. And innit that funny? A black girl being named after a plantation?
[customer laughs]
Tara Thornton: No, I don't think it's funny at all! In fact, it really pisses me off that my momma was either stupid or just plain mean. Which is why you better be nice if you plan on getting a drink tonight!

Lafayette Reynolds: Wait a minute, you slept with Sam?
Tara Thornton: You know what? He barks in his sleep.
Lafayette Reynolds: Oh damn, white folk just all fucked up.
Tara Thornton: Yeah, that's what I said.

Tara Thornton: [to her mother, after being hit with a bottle] Alright. You may have carried me and nursed me, but obviously you are now set on killing me. And if I'm forced to choose between you and me, guess what? You lose!

Tara Thornton: We need to talk.
Franklin Mott: Don't say that to me. When women say that everything goes black and I wake up surrounded by body parts.

Franklin Mott: [Franklin is crying after Tara tried to escape] Why? Tara? Why?
Tara Thornton: I-I was afraid.
Franklin Mott: Of me? You were afraid of me? That's insane!
Tara Thornton: But you tied me up!
Franklin Mott: To keep you safe. Oh my god what other reason could there be?

Tara Thornton: [to Sookie] How many times do I have to tell you comin' into work when you don't have to is pathetic. It's like goin' back to high school and visitin' your teachers.

Tara Thornton: [learning about Jessica] So basically you're like a step-mother to a vampire?
Sookie Stackhouse: Okay, you did not just call me that.

Tara Thornton: I'm an excellent driver. But you can not prepare for a naked lady and a hog in the middle of the road!

Sookie Stackhouse: [after Tara came charging into the house] Watch you feet! I just waxed!
Tara Thornton: I hope you mean the floor.

Tara Thornton: It's been a while since I've been attacked by a vampire, and guess what, it still sucks.

Franklin Mott: Her brother, is he a telepath too?
Tara Thornton: Jason barely knows what he's thinkin', let alone anyone else.

Lettie Mae Thornton: [rushing to the bathroom] What are you doing to her?
Lafayette Reynolds: [carrying Tara] Savin' her life! You're to busy praisin' Jesus to realize your daughter's tryin' to move in with him permanently!

Pam: I thought prostitutes were good at keeping secrets.
Lafayette Reynolds: Oh, don't get it twisted honeycone. I'm a survivor first, capitalist second and a whole bunch of shit after that. But a hooker dead last! So if I've got even a Jew at an Al Qaida pep rally's shot at getting my black ass up out of this motherfucker I'm taking it!

Eric Northman: You are aware there's a gaping hole in your leg? You're damaged goods.
Lafayette Reynolds: Not if you turn me. I'd be good as ever. Look I'm already a person of poor moral character. So, I hit the ground running and I damn near glamor people already. Gimme what ya'll got. Not only will I be a badass vampire, but I'd be your badass vampire.

Eddie: I bought this specially for you. I remember you said you 'go for merlot.'
Lafayette Reynolds: I said I worked at Merlotte's. But whatever...

Tara Thornton: How's you leg?
Lafayette Reynolds: Great.
[when she looks at him unbelieving]
Lafayette Reynolds: What? I got a powerful immune system.
Tara Thornton: You have a powerful death wish is what you got!

Andy Bellefleur: Psycho sonuvabitch, goin' after a old lady that way, just about the sickest thing I ever seen.
Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Nah. I've seen worse. There was a murder about 6 years ago, lady snapped, blew her husband's head off while he was watching the game. Big chunks of brain all over the TV.
Andy Bellefleur: Why'd she do it?
Sheriff Bud Dearborne: I guess she wanted to watch something else. How they hell would I know, Andy? People don't murder 'cuz they're right in the head!

Terry Bellefleur: [to Sookie] I've always liked you and I'd miss you if you got killed.

Terry Bellefleur: Spit it out, baby, you're breaking up with me.
Arlene Fowler: NO! No, it's not, it's not...
Terry Bellefleur: [Concluding her sentence] Not you, it's me... If I had a nickel for every time I... I'd have fifteen cents.

Sookie Stackhouse: [at Fangtasia, looking around] Who's that?
Bill Compton: Oh, you noticed him did you?
Sookie Stackhouse: No, it's not like that. I just...
Bill Compton: Everyone does. That's Eric. He's the oldest thing in this bar.

Bill Compton: You think that it's not magic that keeps you alive? Just 'cause you understand the mechanics of how something works, doesn't make it any less of a miracle... which is just another word for magic. We're all kept alive by magic, Sookie. My magic's just a little different from yours, that's all.

Bill Compton: What are you doin'?
Sookie Stackhouse: I sucked silver out of Eric's chest and saved his life even though I *really* didn't want to.
Eric Northman: She was superb.
Bill Compton: ...Eric was in no danger.
Sookie Stackhouse: He... what?
Eric Northman: A tiny falsehood.
Bill Compton: He was already healing, the bullets would have pushed themselves out. This way he's forced you to drink his blood.
Sookie Stackhouse: [shouts] No... No! No!
Bill Compton: You're connected. He'll be able to sense your emotions.
Sookie Stackhouse: [shouts at Eric] you big lying A-hole!
Eric Northman: Bill, you're right, I believe I can sense her emotions.

Ludis: I can have the sex with you!
Bill Compton: That will not be necessary.

Lorena: That was the best sex I've had in decades.
Bill Compton: At least someone enjoyed it.

Bill Compton: I liked you better when you were brain damaged.

Jessica Hamby: I am a freak of fucking nature!

Jessica: I can kill anybody I want and there's an awful lot of people I'd like to kill.

Jessica: [whining to Bill] You won't let me do anything and I'm so hungry! You are the worst maker ever!

Bill Compton: [to Jessica] Your bed-time will be at 4 a.m. and not a minute later. And whilst you're under my roof, hunting is completely forbidden.
Jessica Hamby: [snapping] Like I'd know where to find people in the bum-fucked town! Are we even in a town?

Jessica Hamby: Well... let's say you did kill someone by accident. What would you do with the body?

[Jessica has fed on a human despite orders not to. Bill just chewed her out for it]
Bill Compton: To your room, please. Tru Blood.
Jessica Hamby: [Stomps off annoyed] You are going to be *so* sorry when I get an eatin' disorder!

Jessica Hamby: Vampires can't enter a home without an invitation.
Franklin Mott: Human home - and the last human owner of this house died a year ago.
Jessica Hamby: Fuck! How come nobody tells me any of this?

Jessica Hamby: I'm so sick of silverin' myself all day every day, being pissed off all the time. This is what PMS used to feel like.

Hoyt Fortenberry: I'm so sorry, Jessica.
Jessica Hamby: You came all this way?
Hoyt Fortenberry: You're not mad at me?
Jessica Hamby: No... I'm so happy I could cry, but I don't want to because it's really gross when I do.

Jessica Hamby: I'd have totally been a slut if I coulda gotten away with it. Me and my friend, Lori, we had this bet since eighth grade over who'd lose it first. And she was like pregnant before I even got my first kiss and my dad was sucha dick head. So what's your excuse?
Hoyt Fortenberry: I was gonna wait, you know, till I met the right one. Well the right one never showed up. By then I had waited so long, I figured I couldn't give it away to just anybody. So now I'm twenty-eight... most girls probably think I'm like some kinda bi-sexual gay or somethin'. Not that I got any kind of problem with them. But I'm not.
Jessica Hamby: I'm not most girls. I'm not even a girl, technically. But if you're okay with it... I'd be your first.

La série est problématique à plein de niveaux, mais j'avoue que ce genre de débilités, ça fait mouche avec moi (admirez mon jeu de mots, il n'était même pas prémédité, je m'en suis rendue compte en l'écrivant ).

Je ne sais pas d'où ça vient mais quand même!

Et trop fort le jeu de mots pas fait exprès ^^

Ca vient de "Ma famille d'abord" (My Wife and Kids, en VO ^^).

ah mais ma famille d'abord je l'ai vu et revu des dizaines de fois , je pense avec les rediff sur w9 bon certes en vf mais qu'est ce qu'à ça a pu me faire rire bon maintenant j'essaie d'éviter les rediffs car je connais les dialogues par coeur

Je ne connais absolument pas